It was a private wood, but no one ever came there as far as she knew
and the old house in the middle was shuttered and cold, the panes broken
in the windows, tiles fallen from the roof and sycamore suckers threatening
its foundations. Its general air of dilapidation, ruin, desolation
suited her mood exactly. Honey and Blacker tired by their exertions
lay down, rose from time to time to investigate a noise or a scent
and then returned and were content to laze in the sun filtering through
the ragged canopy. It was ragged. There was no sign that the wood had
ever been managed. The tall beech trees towered upwards all the same
height, all the same age, many of them dying of beech bark disease
or drought. In places trees had fallen, either because their time had
come, or precipitated by the great storms of 1987 and 1989 and now
they lay there rotting, home to countless insects, covered with ivy,
surrounded by Dogs mercury
and spurge, the crowns still identifiable, impenetrable. And in the clearings
made by their fall, in the sunlight, the understorey burgeoned, hazel,
ash, naturally regenerating beech, and the ubiquitous sycamore. She
could hear bird song all around her and unidentified rustles. There
were bluebells still and from somewhere came the scent of Mayblossom.
She sat down on the moss-covered step of the house and let the peace
soak into her. It was hard to feel so wretched here when she was an
insignificant pawn in the endless sequence of death and regeneration.
They were so still, even the dogs, that she saw three roe deer enter
the clearing and start to graze, until Honey pricked up her ears and
barked and then they clattered away noisily through the undergrowth.
Once the noise of their passing had diminished, the peace settled back
around them.
She ought to return, she had no idea how long she had been away, three
quarters of an hour, an hour or maybe longer? Jonathan thought the dogs
ought to have at least an hours run, but more than that and she
would be accused of dawdling. She did not wish to go. She did not wish
to return at all. If only she could stay there for ever, live in the
old house, be at peace and be alone. The thought of Jonathan hung over
her like an impending storm, heavy, threatening, sultry, possibly dangerous.
She was afraid. Absorbed in these dark thoughts again, she did not hear
the soft rustling behind her, and nor did the dogs. Nor did they catch
the scent since the man was down wind of them and hidden behind the house.
And so when he rounded the corner and halted, he had an opportunity to
study them for a moment.
He saw a youngish woman early thirties, maybe with light brown hair, cut in a childish fringe and bob, small, he thought, trim, and potentially very pretty. And at her feet two dogs: an old spaniel and a black retriever. It was altogether a pleasing picture except that he could see that her face was blotchy, and her eyes red: she had been crying. Part of him felt a craven desire to retreat silently and leave her to whatever problems had brought her to this lonely glade, and part of him was strangely moved by the defenceless pose. She reminded him of Elinor. If Elinor had lived, she would have been about this age, she might have looked like this. If only he had helped her when she needed him then she might still be with him. He could not, having thought this, and in all conscience, go away now. He retraced his steps very, very quietly for a few yards and then walked back noisily. Honey and Blacker immediately set up a warning and leapt to their feet to investigate the stranger.
Good morning, he
said, not sure how to begin.
Good morning, said Isabel faintly, conscious of the state
of her face, remembering that this was a private wood.
May I join you there? The wood is larger than I thought, and I am
less fit than I hoped.
Of course
I mean I have no right to be here anyway
are
you
? Are you trespassing too?
Only on your feelings, he said with a slight smile. No,
please dont go! I have, as it happens, just purchased this wood,
but you are most welcome to stay, really.
I didnt know it was for sale.
It belonged to the Baronshill family for generations, as you probably
knew if you live round here, but Charles is getting old and has no children
and has decided to sell off the untidy edges of his estate and just leave
what he would describe as `a viable package which his executors
will be able to sell, if necessary.
Ive never met him, said Isabel at random, unsure whether
she should go despite the gentlemans polite request and seem rude,
or stay and invite another outburst of Jonathans anger. I
really ought to go.
Why? It is so restful here, and I would be grateful for your company
for a few moments. I find woods delightful, but unnerving sometimes. They
undermine my conviction of human superiority and instead make me feel
supremely unimportant Im conscious that these trees have
stood here for over a hundred years, and they have no passions, no feelings,
if I were to die they would remain unmoved and I would merely be another
part of the food chain, soon disposed of, soon forgotten.
How macabre! It sounds medieval A certain convocation of
politic worms are een at him
Hamlet! Not just a pretty face, he said delighted.
Not a very pretty face at the moment, she said ruefully.
No, I can see that in happier circumstances you must be more than
just pretty. Would you like to tell me why youre unhappy? Its
usually easier to tell a complete stranger.
She looked up at him for the first time and he felt himself drowning
to lie `tangled in her hair and fettered to her eye. Her eyes were
deep and blue and candid. For a moment he forgot his age. Maybe not beautiful
a generous mouth, good bones, a slightly crooked nose, but
her eyes were lovely. And she saw a man of sixty or more, with iron grey
hair, still thick, a determined chin, but fine mouth, a patrician nose,
indeterminate grey-green eyes lined and careworn, but with a singularly
sweet smile. He was tall, over six foot, she thought, rather thin, and
he had walked with a cane. Sitting beside him, she found that she felt
overwhelmed, in awe, and yet: The odd thing is, that I think I could,
she said wonderingly.
Then why dont you? Please do. Its a lover, isnt
it? Rather than disappointment in your career?
Yes.
It seems a suitable place to bring your troubles rather lonely,
a little wild, very beautiful. Such places restore a sense of proportion,
dont they?
Yes, I think they do, but its only temporary. While Im
here my troubles seem quite unimportant and I can stand back
and see what I might do
but as soon as I return home the mole hills
are once more mountains, and quite unscaleable at that.
Youre married?
Yes.
With children?
Three girls.
How delightful! he said and then sighed and she was aware
that his attention had wandered from her.
And you?
Im sorry?
Are you married? Do you have children?
I was, and I had one daughter. My wife died last year and Elinor
Elinor died ten years ago.
Oh
Isabel felt as if he had slapped her, or douched
her with cold water suddenly and most unfairly. How could she tell him
of her despair in the face of real tragedy. Im so sorry.
Look, I think I ought to be getting back or my husband will be even angrier
with me.
Of course. I mustnt detain you. He stood up politely.
May I accompany you some of the way?
Yes, she said uncertainly. She was not at all sure now that
she welcomed his interest, or wished him to know where she lived. Was
he perhaps a little mad? Living all alone, his daughter dead long before
him, recently bereaved
? She had never felt frightened before walking
alone in the woods.
He smiled at her and she smiled back involuntarily. One could not help
responding. Only she knew she ought not to be deceived by appearances.
The fact that he looked like a saint, a kindly priest, was no guarantee
that his intentions were honourable. He was clearly well educated, he
knew Charles Baronshill, his clothes were impeccable, a complete country
gentlemen. He did not look like a murderer or rapist, but then, there
was no particular look to distinguish either, it was merely prejudice
that would have made her look askance at a man unkempt, in leathers and
boots, or an old mackintosh
She laughed at herself.
So, where do you live?
In the Keepers Cottage. I could live here, he said pointing
to the old house, if I were prepared to restore it it was
included in the sale.
The Keepers cottage was a delightful old house on the edge of the
common, of brick and flint, with a tiled roof as irregular as a storm
tossed sea. With a local habitation all he needed now was a name.
I live in the Old White Hart. My names Isabel Gardiner.
How do you do, Isabel, the pointless politeness was automatic.
Im Christopher Donaldson-Foy. Ah! Here we are at the bounds
of the wood. Really the sun is surprising bright and warm, it had seemed
rather cool and dim under the trees.
Thank you for your kindness to a trespasser.
No, dont feel that youre trespassing. Please wander
here whenever you wish. I hope to meet you again. Good day. He
raised his hat and walked back into the shadows.
Isabel watched him go. She knew no one else who raised his hat to her,
but then, she knew no other man who wore a hat as a matter of course.
It was pleasingly old-fashioned, but she had not thought him old. The
sun was surprisingly bright and though she could still hear his footsteps
receding, the rustle of leaves, the occasional snap of a twig, she could
no longer see him. She turned back towards the common and, sighing, walked
slowly home.
Where in heavens name have you been?
Isabel had to admit to a moments secret satisfaction, because she
could hear Beths angry crying from the door. It was clear that she
had not settled down. I walked the dogs through the woods.
You walk out of the house without so much as a by your leave. I
do have work to do you know, you mustnt think that just because
Im here you can hand over to me whenever you like so that you can
fritter away your time, reading the paper, drinking coffee with your
friends or walking the dogs.
Im sorry, she said automatically. It suddenly
all seemed too much and then you accused me of wasting time drinking tea
when I hadnt I still havent managed to have
a hot cup of tea yet, or anything to eat today.
For goodness sake Its just a question of managing your
time better. Get up earlier and then therell be no rush and you
can have your breakfast in peace.
But Im so tired
Beth woke three times last night and
Rosie had a nightmare about the bees again. I only get about five hours
sleep as it is.
Well, Im tired as well. You agreed when Nicci was born that
it was quite fair for me to be the one who went out and made the money
which keeps us here, and you would take responsibility for the children
especially at night. I cant work if Im too tired.
Neither can I, said Isabel bitterly.
Well you dont have to. You dont have to make decisions
on which millions hang, or which might sink a multinational company. Its
just a question of making a few meals, collecting the children from school,
doing a bit of washing and ironing its hardly an onerous
life.
Oh, but it is. Youve no idea youve never had
any idea. You come home and can leave all your business worries behind,
you read the paper, watch the television relax
I work damned hard during the day and you have no idea of the stress
levels of a proper job, the responsibility I have to shoulder
I do, I know your responsibilities are greater, but theres
no respite for me day or night.
Come on, Isabel. Beth sleeps for two hours every day!
But I cant go out, Im still responsible for her.
And that reminds me, I found the window wide open in her room. You
know shes a climber were lucky she hadnt climbed
out and broken her neck.
I only opened it as we left, I would have shut it when I put Beth
down for her rest! Isabel said angrily.
You mean you went out leaving the window wide open? Are you determined
to beggar me? What if some opportunist thief had happened along? Its
just asking for a burglary.
Mrs. Kingsmill never even locks her door.
Then Mrs. Kingsmill is an idiot! I dont know why were
wasting time discussing Mrs Kingsmill anyway. Beth is still crying. Why
havent you gone up to her, poor thing. And I have work to do, now
youve condescended to re-appear.
Isabel would have liked to throw something at her husband, something like
porridge, she thought longingly, or tomato ketchup which would have stained
his crisp blue and white striped shirt irrevocably and ruined his nice
pin-striped suit.